🧠 Smartening Up

2023 is fast approaching and while it hasn’t officially arrived, I already have a few changes that I want to implement coming up. The long stretch of immobility was a blessing in that it was a period of reflection although, it was a miserable one. I have written multiple articles on healing and the reflection on the loss that happened. However, I think it is time to shift gears and move to the present and start setting my gaze on the future. The past has its place in that you learn and gain some perspective but one cannot stay in it forever. There is no point in learning when you cannot apply it to your present and future endeavours.

That being said, I have been reflecting on my lists and lists of goals that I have written down since I was 16. I am sad to say that hot damn, most of the goals were half-finished and the effort made was half-assed at best. I noticed something while perusing through the lists: it was too long. If you were anything like me, I matched yearly goals with my age or sometimes, I became too ambitious like listing out 100 goals for 2022 to get me out of my funk.

It took me 10 years to learn that it doesn’t work so I’m going to go and just list three items that I want to accomplish next year.

Non-negotiable Changes

1. Working part-time on my writing

I have been running this blog for almost two years now if I remember correctly. It started out as a public journal and as a place to keep track of the thoughts and musings that came to mind. Now, I want to produce something of value by documenting my progress and sharing things that worked while I’m on the road to getting to a better place.

The first step is to show up for the smallest of things and get the ball rolling from there.

2. Deep Work

It seems that ADHD runs in the family and if I don’t do anything about it, I will be distracted even in my own death bed. As you can see below, I was researching about sheep and whether or not these animals are smart while I was in the midst of writing this article. It turns out that they are pretty intelligent which is fascinating. If you want to learn where my fascination about animals come from, please visit some of the following links from the top of my head:

Finally, who doesn’t enjoy this animal video?

Alan! Alan! Alan!

Anyway, that’s beside the point. I want to be like the big man, Theodore Roosevelt. He is so cool. I want to be as disciplined as the man and any person that I look up to has some kind of time set aside for their pursuits. Also, this builds up on my first change which is working on my writing.

3. Consistency, one day at a time.

As I start whittling away at my goals and just strictly keeping to three things,

I already have three things that I want to accomplish within the first quarter of 2023. December is going to be the preview of what is to come by getting a headstart on these changes.

  • Lifting program – starting in January and I already paid for it. Currently working on a trial with a gym to get started.
  • Complete the virtual race I signed up for (Road to Hana)
  • Focusing on building a lifelong system, one habit at a time – it’s not going to be about sleep because my sleep schedule is inconsistent but, if I get the habit of being more active set in stone, everything else should fall into place.

I have always said tomorrow but if I keep on saying that, I will be dead before tomorrow comes. I know for myself that my biggest hurdle is the next action I need to take. Heck, it would take me 15 minutes or sometimes, even longer, to get started on something. Sometimes, it would take me half a day to get started on the first thing that I need to do for that day. I’m not proud of it but it is my reality so I have to do something about that before it’s too late.


Parting Words

I cannot use the “Oh I’m sad because of a breakup” excuse anymore because it’s been overused and overdue and, I’m extremely content with where I am with my life right now. I’m also talking to someone who’s down to show me how to shoot a gun because it’s an important skill to learn. The likelihood of a zombie apocalypse is inifitesimally low but someone holding you hostage or a grave where you have to defend yourself is not.

At the end of it all, I want to wisen up and toughen up and here is the first step that I’m taking.

Sincerely,

Allison.

“How are you still single?!”

It wasn’t love, it was a trick of the moon.

One of the most common laments among single friends is how the dating pool is shite. The guys are not enough, and the girls are not authentic enough. It has become a hodgepodge of unattainable looks and impossible standards. I am not a player of the dating game but a mere observer so, from my point of view, it has just been pure and unadulterated chaos.

However, one thing somebody asked made me think, “Why are you still single?”

The Big Q: “Why are you still single?”

In the words of a good friend of mine, “it’s not for the lack of trying” or maybe it is. I have come to that point where I am perfectly happy working on things that I want to accomplish, my family and friends and life, in general. I want to build on that foundation first before getting together with someone. I believe that love will find me in the midst of working on myself and chasing dreams and goals.

However, if there was one thing I learned from my breakup, it is that it takes me a long time to process and move on. I also do a lot of stupid things within that healing period so unless, I want my future self to suffer, I’m not going to be dipping a toe in the pool in the foreseeable future. I will not close myself to the opportunity if it pops up but I will not be looking for it.

Lastly, in a transient city like Hong Kong, people come and go. One day they are here and tomorrow they are gone. If you get into a relationship with one of them, as soon as they return to where they come from, you best believe that the “out of sight, out of mind” mindset becomes commonplace. Promises that were made here fizzle out and it is as if the love was not there to begin with.

Some relationships survive, of course, but I do not want to risk it here in Hong Kong. I can say that from experience.

In summary, I don’t want to because I don’t do well after a breakup and that, it can take years before I could get back on my feet and time is money.

Where priorities and values lie

I understand that my values will not be for everybody and so theirs to mine. The issue I have is that some of these values are strongly rooted in or influenced by traumatic experiences. If I were to guesstimate, I would probably be disinterested in about 80% to 90% of the 28-35 year old male demographic. I have come to agree with the saying, “better single than in a poor relationship”. I am also quite traditional and I would like to be with a manly man who can be a romantic from time to time ( think: Riftan from Under the Oak Tree).

My priorities, at the moment, are to work on myself and my circle of influence. Work on my career, hobbies and travelling. Spending time with my family (travelling with my mother soon!) and my rabbits or catching up with my siblings. You know, it is a liberating feeling to finally shake off the last patches of sad emotions that I carried throughout the year.

I can finally and confidently say that I love and respect myself and how far I have come. Now, I just want to be like Vesper Lynd or Eva Green – intelligent and elegant. I want to work on my communication skills. I want to be great!

Sincerely yours,

Allison

Waking up well-rested ðŸ›ï¸

Maybe I’m getting better.

It has been so long since I slept so well and woke up well-rested.

The last time I woke up thanking God that I’m still alive was before my ex brought up the fact that maybe he wanted to break up and that was back in February 2021. From then on, the looming figure of uncertainty and its sharp talons stood by my bedside every evening. I thought I could escape it by moving flats but having a flatmate and living in North Point only exacerbated the situation.

I cannot find another word for my living situation but my year in North Point was chiefly miserable. I do not want to get into it but I hated every moment in that flat. I think it is because I am not meant to live with someone after living on my own after I moved out of my parents’ place. I have decided that I will not live with a flatmate if I can help it and/or if my flatmate is going to be my future husband.

Now that I’m back to living alone, I come home to a clean kitchen and a swept floor. When I was living with a flatmate, pots, pans, and dishes were left unwashed until a couple of days later. When I went in to feed the person’s pet, there were roaches on the person’s bed and just bags of food strewn about. Let’s just say it was disgusting. I’m no clean freak but coming back to my new flat with clean spaces makes me really happy.

Butterflies 🦋

Somebody told me that I’m their favourite part of the campaign. He and I both play D&D and if you can recall, I vowed to never date anyone who plays D&D ever again. I know, I know – never say never right? However, that was the sweetest thing I have ever heard in the last year or year and a half. The last time was when I received love letters and the poem he wrote which I still read from time to time. If I can sum it up succinctly, it’s uncomplicated to get to my heart especially since I also don’t ask for much.

Anyway, I know that we will never see each other in person since he has his whole life on the other side of the globe but our conversations make my week. I am wholeheartedly with Cala Maria on priorities (I’ve shared the link below 😉) hence, my no-dating rule and I really do think it’s a bad time to fall in love BUT, but, I wouldn’t mind keeping these conversations up because it makes me feel less alone. I would be lying if I say I don’t look forward to chatting and someone to share my day with. It’s really sweet.

Lastly, I was in for a shocker yesterday because a friend of mine tried appending his last name to mine. It came up after discussing J. Lo’s marriage to Ben Affleck. There was a lot of buildup that lead to it but I was definitely shocked that I had to change the topic.

Fishes 🐠

Maybe I’ll get to the point where I will be completely over my ex and then maybe, I’ll start becoming more open to being in a relationship again. I mean it is true, there is a lot of fish in the sea. Maybe I’ll get unstuck from that mindset of just wanting my ex even now. I know that I will get unstuck slowly but surely. This pit reminds me of quicksand – the more I struggle, the harder it is for me to get out. I realise now that taking it slow is the way to go.

Knowing that someone else out there is willing to choose me, build a life together, and traverse it together comforts me a lot that my grip or want for my ex is waning more and more each day. It also makes me want to go back to better myself for me, for the people around me, and for my future friends and family. As cheesy as it sounds, I want my future husband to be proud of me as his wife. It’s going to take a lot of hard work and dedication but I do think that I’m happier and better for it.

Sincerely yours,

Allison.

Hello, November! 🦃

I am officially out of the slump!

Healing, depending on the person, takes a really long time and much like losing and keeping the weight off, it is not linear.

It took about more than a year but I have started enjoying life the way I did before my first relationship, maybe even a bit more. It is truly just now that I get to see the nuggets of wisdom that I earned over the last three months which I can slowly but surely, apply to my life.

Lastly, without these changes, I would have not been able to appreciate just how far I have come since August 2021.

Reflections on Some Areas of my Life

1. Self and Self-Improvement

My flatmate is moving out by the end of November or early December and for the first time since I moved out, I will have a relatively huge space to myself. I am absolutely excite and looking forward to it as this oddly timed event signals the end of a chapter and the start of a new one. I can definitely attest that it is almost like having an interlude or a filler chapter as this was a rather awkward and unsatisfying but maybe necessary year of my life.

I do not know the reason why the stars did not align and that I have to stay back for a few more months. Maybe I will never know why and this is some kind of plot device to move the story forward. All I know is that I will be using this time to recoup and regroup so that I can further figure out what my priorities are and whittle away the distractions.

After all, my 27th year is just around the corner and well, my Dad reminded me that I’m not getting any younger so, I need to get moving.

2. Career and Money

In one of my recent articles, I talked about how I had a brief stint moonlighting as a waitstaff in one of my favourite casual dining places in Hong Kong. It proved to be one of the most stressful things that I ever did recently as I was trying to give my 200% to both my full time job and my part time job. I almost burnt out doing that but it did provide insight and new lessons about health, career and money.

  • I think health is definitely one of the pillars of wealth. We all have to make sacrifices every now and then but, when I sacrificed my health, my performance at work started to suffer and my quality of life went down considerably. It took me a long time to get where I can be a little bit more comfortable without overextending myself.
  • Being debt-free is a blessing. Granted that I’m almost there, just finishing off the balance from my credit card but the idea of being debt-free and having enough savings sounds like heaven to me. I made a lot of bad decisions in my early 20s and it took me years to recover but this is the last leg of the race and I pray to God that I do not fall in the same line of thinking ever again. If there’s one thing I can advice in this article is that do not put yourself in the same situation that you asked God to help you get out off.
  • Learn how to be smarter. I got scammed recently and both my parents agreed that I give my all at the start of a relationship / friendship. I kind of knew that this might be the case but I usually justified it as why shouldn’t I right? When I reflect back on all of my friendships and my relationships, I was the one who got hurt the most in the end. My mother pointed this out as well and now I understand why ‘trust is earned, not given’. As an extension of this, so is any friendship or any relationship.

There is so much to say about this but those are the three major takeaways that I had over the last three months.

3. Romance and Love Life

I know, for a fact, that I’m not ready to date. I tried going on a date and he was nice but my heart was not in it. It is not the guy’s fault but I am very much in the camp of finding someone, being friends, falling in love, getting married and then it will be until death do us part.

As cheesy as it sounds, my ex-boyfriend found me and it took a lot of discernment from my side because I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this person. He became a great friend and then became my best friend. I still think that meeting him and us, confessing our love for each was one of the most magical moments in my life. My ex was an amazing person and he has set the bar high. Whoever he ends up with is definitely one lucky person.

As for me and as controversial as it is in today’s dating culture, I will be proactively waiting for someone to come along for now who decides to choose me and I, him. It is a crucial time for me to sow seeds as much as I can so that I and my loved ones can have a better future.


I will say it again that August up until early October has been an awkward transition and were just months of constant change. Without it though, I would have not felt that I matured even just a little bit. I am starting to love my life and starting to feel alive again. It feels good as I get to appreciate more of the things that I used to enjoy and the people I would have missed creating connections with had I stayed being sad.

I’m happy to be back.

Have a lovely end of October and a beautiful start to November.

-A.

Growing Pains

I think it is quite interesting how life keeps surprising you while you’re alive. I do not think that I will ever get used to losing friends and people while growing up and getting older. Growing pains take on a new form than just an ache in your bones. People focus on the physical pains but no one really prepares you for the pains as well as the joys of growing up, getting older, and just by the virtue of being alive.

Unexpected Surprise

With a month and a half left, I learned that my flatmate is leaving even when it was written in our flatmate agreement that there should be at least three months’ notice. She made it clear that she is not going to extend her stay at least another month to help me out so that’s why I have started scrambling to get into a routine that will help ease the decision fatigue over the course of next year. With the current state of my life, I cannot afford the time and the energy to go apartment hunting.

It came to me as a shock initially but I think it only solidifies my thinking that maybe this is for the best and it would also be better for me if we stop being friends because I do not think it would be wise to be friends with someone who leaves you high and dry.

On another note, someone came back into my life recently. We had a chat and he and I were reminiscing about the old days and catching up. We didn’t talk for a period of about two years or so because of life but after being left behind, I felt some regret about letting this friendship go by the wayside. I have my reservations because a year of barely talking and being apart does not make any difference in one’s growth but I never say no to reconciliation.

Life has thrown me plenty of curved balls to the head recently and some have given me concussions.

The answers are not always as straightforward as they seem to be.

New Plans, New Ventures

Due to the sudden turn of events, you got to adapt.

My plans of saving up for a Master’s or a move out of the country may take a little longer since I have to adjust to the new constraint. If ceteris paribus applied to real life, I would have achieved it by the end of next year but, it would take me an additional 6 to 12 months I might as well look to leave by 2025. Even then, I do not know what the next six months have in store for me.

All I know is that I would have to look for another income stream to make sure that I cover the additional portion of my rent that was previously split with my flatmate.

Well, it seems like I have to scrap the majority of my plan and start all over again.

Sincerely,

A.

Easing into a new routine: Sleep

Hello guys!

It has not even been a hot minute but, man, taking up a physical job is a more enormous task than I thought it would, especially on an ‘All You Can Eat’ Mussels Monday or of course, on a Friday evening. So before I start the 75-day hard challenge, I need to find and figure out what my schedule would be like on top of other commitments.

The good news is that by the end of the evening, all I want to do when I get home is to feed my pets, rinse, watch a couple of YT videos then, maybe journal and spend some time with the pets then go to bed. The entire ritual would take me about an hour to an hour and a half so I go to bed at 12:30 or 1 AM, max, depending on what time I get home which is better than when I was sleeping at 2 to 3 AM for no apparent reason other than I am not sleepy. A year to a year and a half of sleeping way past midnight ruined my circadian rhythm and well, I gotta scale it back a bit.

Before, from the time I hit the hay and go to sleepy time junction, I would wake up, unfortunately, close to 8, 8:30 which is cutting it close for my daytime job. I have been trying for a year to start waking up at 6 or 7 like how I used to but it is usually a hit or a miss and it is often a miss. Now, I’m aiming to wake up around 6 AM and eventually, easing back to a 5 AM or a 5:30 AM wake-up time like before so I can squeeze in a workout, spend some time with the pets, learn, sweep, wipe counters, journal and all that other stuff that I do but at an earlier time of the day.

Over the next few days, with the official start of my 75-day hard challenge being Monday, 10 October 2022, I will be waking up at 6:30 to finalise how a day would typically look like until the end of the year. Afterwards, when I finish my third month of working as a waitstaff, I’ll reevaluate to see if it would be worth to keep or if it would be better look for a freelance or, another part-time job that is less physical.

I will write about this and have a monthly check-in but definitely look forward to how I will be establishing a daily routine over the next 75 days and refining my rules and goals even more and no, I may or may not try Andy Frisella’s rules but definitely the 1 gallon of water rule. Haha!

It is going to be a rather interesting three months.

See you!

Sincerely,

Allison.

Have a Break, Have a Kitkat

Hey everyone!

I’m back after almost two weeks of not writing anything and taking a break from writing and updating this blog.

A lot has happened during that week and a half off and I am more refreshed than ever. Ready to kick ass and conquer the last quarter of the year.

A quick reflection.

It has been so long since I have ever felt like I am happy and/or content with my life. There was a huge thunderstorm cloud that hung over my head wherever I went for a good year or so.

It was absolutely horrible – nothing that I did ever made me feel joy. There was a huge void in my life and that even when I was trying to be happy, it felt forced and most of all, it felt like a chore.

Hanging out with my family? I am not sure if I should even be here.

Working my job? I only took this job because I thought it would be my ticket to bring me closer to him.

Talking to friends? I want someone to commiserate with.

Now that I was able to have a break and just see my surroundings, my struggles, my victories and my life for what it is and appreciate it, it is like a veil has been lifted off my eyes and I can see again. I can work towards my goals again.

I am like the prophet Elijah and you are too. Sometimes, you just need a break.

The Updates

Update #1: A Part-Time Job

I started working as a part-time waitstaff for one of my favourite restaurants here in Hong Kong. There are things that I am saving up for like a LASIK surgery and a Master’s degree so you know, the dough is not going to work itself. I don’t know for how long I will be keeping this up but I am aiming for six months to a year. It also depends on how long the business will keep me because they are definitely looking for someone who is there full-time.

Update #2: Working on my Certifications

I was given another chance to work on my certifications and I have been taking it seriously. There’s a lot of restructuring that needs to happen in my life if I want to accommodate both learning and my part-time job. I’ll get there.

I have sacrificed a lot of sleep for a guy who was not even worth my time which I learned a little too late. This time around I am sacrificing it for something better. Sometimes, you just got to do it.

Update #3: Changing the blog space

I’m working on changing my blog’s appearance and its contents. I’m thinking of giving it more structure as I want to showcase things that I have been collecting, that I have been trying and places that I am going to visit and revisit.

It is a public journal so a little structure would be good.

The Goals

I have been reading up on The 12 Week Year by Brian P. Moran which I stumbled upon when I was watching Gabe Bult’s channel and on to another Youtuber’s channel. Seriously, check out Gabe Bult’s channel.

Summary:

  • Complete Caroline Girvan’s Epic I and lose 10 lbs (do a mini-cut) and complete C25K
  • Complete all of my PRINCE 2 Certifications and PMP certification
  • Complete a no-buy for the next 12 weeks (except for today, I really would like to have a pumpkin spice latte. Basic but it only comes once a year.)
    • Rules for my no-buy:
      • No eating out unless it’s a special occasion (birthdays, company parties)
        • Essentials are okay – replacement products, repairs etc.
        • No games, no books, no clothes, no accessories and no make-up stuff. Read through all the ones I have first. Also, Dishonored is such a great game!
  • Hit my target goal for my company (70%).
  • Read more.

It’s almost like another attempt at 75 hard challenge and this time around, without any emotional baggage weighing me down, it is on.

Some of the goals will not start until tomorrow like the no-buy challenge but unofficially, we are starting the following today:

  • Caroline Girvan’s Epic I
  • Read more
  • Certifications and,
  • 70% for my company.

It feels completely absurd to start on a Wednesday when it says Monday but here we are!

That’s it! See you Sunday for an update. 🙂

Cheers!

A Man like Dalinar Kholin

While his full backstory is yet to unfold, I cannot help but fancy someone like Dalinar.

There were three instances in The Way of Kings that made me love his character to the point where I muse to myself, ‘If I could find someone like that in real life, I’d be more than content. and ecstatic’. You would have to read it for yourself and let me know as I do not want to spoil you.

However, in this musing, my need to better myself was reignited once more. How can I be a partner to someone who is just totally awesome when I, myself, am not? What can I bring to the table that will help my partner? or myself so that I do not seem like I am disabled or worse, spoiled? I do not want to be perfect because that is such a heavy burden to bear but I want to be capable in my own right so that I am not a burden to my loved ones and mostly, to my partner. Having read The Way of Kings kindled my self-respect, my ambition and most of all, my drive to become better.

Why is this such an important thing to me?

There is a character named Navani in the book and she was the former queen of Alekthar. She was described to be as not only drop-dead gorgeous but a woman of influence, ambition and intelligence just like her daughter. Without spoiling too much, she is a researcher and a woman of science. She is professional and strong-minded seeing that she used to be an Alethi queen. By the end of Book 1, she and Gavilar started courting and Gavilar was head over heels for Navani.

I could not care less about politicking because I have little to no patience when it comes to dealing with irrelevant stuff nor do I have plans of advancing myself using such ways but people like Navani or Jasnah commands themselves and not the other way around and that is admirable. I think I have said this a million times but I admire people who live with commitment and integrity. Someone who does not give up when the going gets tough and someone who is not easily persuaded (more on this after I finish reading Persuasion by Jane Austen).

Lastly, this also has something to do with my view on love. Call me old-fashioned and this might be an unpopular opinion but I am a big believer that once we are in an exclusive romantic relationship, you are my responsibility as much as I am yours. I still have yet to determine if this applies after marriage because I did this before and that resulted in a broken heart.

What does this mean? My happiness and your happiness should not hinge on each other entirely. I mean if you do something nice for me, of course, I would be happy and I would hope that it is the same for you. More than that, while we have our own lives to live and dreams to pursue, we make space and time to encourage each other, respect each other, support each other, have each other’s backs and have fun with each other in the context of love.

How would I define love then? Unfortunately for some, I believe in biblical love and this love includes admonishment or correction. I dislike how most, if not all, sees love as all rainbows and butterflies without anything to balance it. This is not love, this is enablement and we both know that enablers are both a problem and the cause of many other problems. As Dalinar puts it, An adult can take a principle and adapt it to his needs. But we’re not ready for that yet. We’re children. And when you’re teaching a child, you require him to do what is right until he grows old enough to make his own choices.

Or like how Apostle Paul wrote to the church of Corinth, When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

When all things are said and done, there is but one way to end this.

I want to be better.

Sincerely,

Allison

The Immortal Words, A Stormlight Archives

Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination. That was their motto, and was the First Ideal of the Immortal Words. There were four others.”Kaladin raised an eyebrow. “Which were?””I don’t actually know,” Teft said. “But the Immortal Words – these Ideals – guided everything they did. The four later Ideals were said to be different for every order of Radiants. But the First Ideal was the same for each of the ten: Life before death, strength before weakness, journey before destination.” – Teft to Kaladin


Spoilers ahead.

It has been almost a year after my descent to what I consider to be the lowest point in my life and almost at the end of it, I found a saving grace and comfort in Brandon Sanderson”s The Way of Kings.

I find it curious and unbelievably coincidental how the timeline coincided with the book’s storyline. Following Kaladin’s story in the book was painfully similar to mine metaphorically. Unlike him, I am not branded as a slave but we have both found ourselves in depressive slumps and, at one point, have considered taking our lives. Questions like ‘What’s the point?’, Why am I doing this?’ or ‘What am I fighting for?’ haunted our daily lives especially when we fought so hard and valiantly yet failed to protect the people who knew exactly what to say and whom we deeply loved – his brother and my lover respectively. Betrayed by a light eyes.

The gravity of our situation crushed our spirits. I talk as if I knew what he was going through but I cannot help but empathise with the man because it was like reading my own autobiography for this certain period in time. I would be simply lying if I did not admit that he encouraged me to get out of the slump that I am in. He and Dalinar.

In all my moping and wallowing, I realised that I have not been acting honourably.

I look to figures like Kaladin, Dalinar and Jasnah. Perfectly flawed people yet there is surefootedness in their actions because they act according to their morals and with integrity.

Dalinar amazes me with his commitment and his faith in both his brother, the codes and the visions he received.

Jasnah is a woman of logic. The sharpness of her wit, her dedication to her studies and her wisdom make me want to be like such a woman. A woman with grace and wisdom. Like an owl in the night, she silently strikes.

Finally, Kaladin. If there is a character who I identify with so much, it would be Kaladin Stormblessed. His depressive episodes yet he moves forward to fight because he is persistent and persistence is something that I used to pride myself in.

Finally, it has never been clearer to me that I would like to have someone who has gone through life’s harsh obstacle courses and whose character has been forged to that of an honourable man. Of course, one cannot forego the more affable and cheeky qualities that are present when intimately entangled as such but above everything else, my future husband’s steadfastness, wisdom, integrity, love and tenderness shall be the qualities that I will heavily rely on when times of hardships arrive and he to me. After all, no one would want to be with someone they do not respect.


With that being said, I saw a photo of my ex on his graduation day on my Facebook wall. I realised why I decided to uninstall the social media platform except for its messaging feature. I do not think I will ever be alright in facing the man who has broken my heart. I may forgive him but seeing his face brings forth grief and anxiety that makes me feel lightheaded and my heart gets caught in my throat. Admittedly, it is not a great feeling and honestly, it might take many, many years before I can fully get over someone who left a deep wound in me.

While I do not enjoy being in the pit, I believe that God is doing something behind the scenes. As obscure as it seems, I believe that my life is in good hands because it is in the hands of the Almighty. It may not seem like it at the moment but this should not deter me from showing up every single day and to learn from the past me who used to give it 200% of her all, all the time.

To you, life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination.

Sincerely,

Allison

My 100 Day Challenge: A Pocketful of Sunshine

Shout out to Jack Edward Tuttle from The Writing Struggle for the brilliant idea of applying Agile and Scrum principles to complete a 100-day goal. I first learned about it when I was reading Ryder Carroll’s Bullet Journal but I was not entirely sure how to apply it. Thanks, guys!

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SPRINTStart DateEnd DateRewards
122 June 202201 July 2022Waxing Session
202 July 202211 July 20222x Uniqlo Pyjamas
312 July 202221 July 2022Fjallraven Kanken
422 July 202231 July 2022
501 August 202210 August 2022
611 August 202220 August 2022
721 August 202230 August 2022
831 August 202209 September 2022
910 September 202219 September 2022
1020 September 202230 September 2022
Important Sprit Dates.

In my previous post, I put an emphasis on how important it is to rest. Reframing my definition of rest is to work while taking it slowly. I know that I have been drowning myself with extra-curricular activities so as to avoid drowning in another bucket called feelings. However, I am done y’all. I am tired of being sick and tired and there is no better time to start today.

THE RULES

*Some of these rules were heavily inspired by Jack Edward Tuttle and some of which I changed to tailor them to my needs and goals.

  1. MEALS. I will not undertake any other challenges during the 100-day challenge as my main focus is to lose weight and get used to eating healthier. I’m also on a goal to determine what is causing my bloat.
  2. MEALS. I will be meal planning throughout my 100-day challenge but that is not to say that the meals I will be cooking should not be boring. Except for the inevitable eating out, all of my meals will be homemade. If I find that I’m craving deep-fried chicken, I should reassess my meal plan.
  3. MEALS. No snacking and no cheat meals. There is the need to savour the food that I eat and that means taking 20 minutes to eat an entire meal. If I’m hungry after my first portion, I’m allowed to have seconds.
  4. DRINKS. My aim is to drink 70oz or 2.10 L daily. I am an avid milky coffee or milky tea drinker so as long as I keep it homemade instead of going to a coffee shop and to once a day, I should be good.
  5. EXERCISE. On top of my current physical activities, I’m just going to go out for long walks and aim for 10,000 steps a day like I used to.
  6. ACCOUNTABILITY. Create a YouTube channel detailing each sprint, and take photos of every food and drink I eat for the next 100 days.
  7. ACCOUNTABILITY. After each sprint, a short period for reflection on the previous sprint (what worked, what didn’t work) and a planning phase (groceries and cooking schedule) for the upcoming sprint.
  8. ACCOUNTABILITY. I should weigh myself every single day before consuming anything and after peeing.
  9. REWARDS. There should be a reward for each sprint and I will slowly be filling up the ‘Rewards’ column week by week.
  10. EXCEPTIONS & SOCIALS. I will be celebrating birthdays in August and in September. There are no hard restrictions on socialising and its effects on my diet plan. Should such an occasion arise, I need to go through my rules and use judgment. I should be able to eat and drink what I like. Alcohol will only be reserved for exceptional events like birthdays or company celebrations. Taking inspiration from Jack’s Rule 15 , “If they occur frequently, I need to reassess my commitment to the challenge. Should such an event occur, I can eat and drink what I like (holding back if it is polite to do so and within reason). I shouldn’t rely on willpower alone to ensure I stick to my diet plan and should go with the flow. I can drink wine or spirits but steer clear of beer, if possible. Count the occasion as a cheat and resume the challenge as normal for the next meal. Try, if possible, to plan and factor in an exceptional occasion in advance but also accept life happens and sometimes things are unpredictable. That being the case, roll with it, enjoy it and move on when it is over.
  11. EXCEPTIONS & SOCIALS. In relation to Rule #3, I should trust myself that I will be doing the right thing. If I crave, say, fries, I’m going make myself some fries.

I’m ready to take a step forward and leave the past in the past.

Sincerely yours,

Allison.