It wasn’t love, it was a trick of the moon.
One of the most common laments among single friends is how the dating pool is shite. The guys are not enough, and the girls are not authentic enough. It has become a hodgepodge of unattainable looks and impossible standards. I am not a player of the dating game but a mere observer so, from my point of view, it has just been pure and unadulterated chaos.
However, one thing somebody asked made me think, “Why are you still single?”
The Big Q: “Why are you still single?”
In the words of a good friend of mine, “it’s not for the lack of trying” or maybe it is. I have come to that point where I am perfectly happy working on things that I want to accomplish, my family and friends and life, in general. I want to build on that foundation first before getting together with someone. I believe that love will find me in the midst of working on myself and chasing dreams and goals.
However, if there was one thing I learned from my breakup, it is that it takes me a long time to process and move on. I also do a lot of stupid things within that healing period so unless, I want my future self to suffer, I’m not going to be dipping a toe in the pool in the foreseeable future. I will not close myself to the opportunity if it pops up but I will not be looking for it.
Lastly, in a transient city like Hong Kong, people come and go. One day they are here and tomorrow they are gone. If you get into a relationship with one of them, as soon as they return to where they come from, you best believe that the “out of sight, out of mind” mindset becomes commonplace. Promises that were made here fizzle out and it is as if the love was not there to begin with.
Some relationships survive, of course, but I do not want to risk it here in Hong Kong. I can say that from experience.
In summary, I don’t want to because I don’t do well after a breakup and that, it can take years before I could get back on my feet and time is money.
Where priorities and values lie
I understand that my values will not be for everybody and so theirs to mine. The issue I have is that some of these values are strongly rooted in or influenced by traumatic experiences. If I were to guesstimate, I would probably be disinterested in about 80% to 90% of the 28-35 year old male demographic. I have come to agree with the saying, “better single than in a poor relationship”. I am also quite traditional and I would like to be with a manly man who can be a romantic from time to time ( think: Riftan from Under the Oak Tree).
My priorities, at the moment, are to work on myself and my circle of influence. Work on my career, hobbies and travelling. Spending time with my family (travelling with my mother soon!) and my rabbits or catching up with my siblings. You know, it is a liberating feeling to finally shake off the last patches of sad emotions that I carried throughout the year.
I can finally and confidently say that I love and respect myself and how far I have come. Now, I just want to be like Vesper Lynd or Eva Green – intelligent and elegant. I want to work on my communication skills. I want to be great!