It has been months since the last time I wrote anything worthwhile. To be fair, most of the articles I have written are just me rambling. The trail of articles that I have written was reflective of the feelings that I had while I was dealing with the loss of a loved one. It was angry, bitter and seething.
I have been reflecting since December and even more so as my birthday and Valentine’s approached. It would be the second year that I spent my birthday and Valentine’s without you. It didn’t hurt as much as it did the first time around but that’s maybe because I have come to accept that you are and will no longer be a part of my life.
It’s not because I found someone else. I’m sorry to disappoint but I don’t go looking for rebounds to fill that gaping hole that you left just so that you can justify your looking for one. 😂
Rather, it’s because before I knew it, the world became just as beautiful as it was before you came. Colour crept in and chased the greys away. The world was and is still beautiful.
As cliché as it sounds, my glasses were fogged up and I couldn’t see clearly. Now, though, the colours are more vivid than before. I enjoy listening to music that I used to listen to again with as much gusto and without feeling bad.
I can pass by or visit places that an ex-friend, an ex-lover and I used to be our hang-out spot without having to reminisce or ruminate.
This dedication is not for you or for her but for my future self who I can only hope is as happy or is way happier than I am at the time of this writing.
To close this clumsily written letter,
I’d like to quote the Arctic Monkey’s Love is a Laserquest with a little addition at the beginning,
(Even still) Will I have found a better method
Of pretending you were just some lover?
I hope you are doing well.
Sincerely,
Allison.
Allison Lagarde 