Reflection on the current situation:
Have you ever wondered what love is like? What love is? I have.
For years, I have always wondered what love, romantic love, would be like. Even now, I still wonder what it is – what it feels like and how it is going to present itself when it comes knocking at my door. I think that at 23, it is a bit late to start your first relationship because you miss out on all the childish and innocent moments that youth get to relish and experience without the strains that accompany adulthood. Yet, at the same time, it is almost the perfect age to have your first because you are somewhat young enough to still have some of those experiences while viewing the relationship through realistic lenses. I believe that, at 23, one would be mature enough to know yourself and handle your own life whilst being in a relationship.
I would know this to be true due to having a few previous unrequited love. As I like to give it my all in every opportunity I chance upon and take, you throw your whole being into it in the hopes of being loved back. I thought that it was love from a different perspective and that was also love teaching me what it is not.
Now love has different plans.
Now, he has stormy grey eyes. Beautiful grey eyes that reminds me of quiet and soothing rainy days where everything seems to be washed anew. I told him before that I am from the islands and I love the sun but now when I look into his eyes, I am starting to love the rain, the thunder and the lightning just a tad bit more.
Now he has hair that aptly becomes like a halo in the sun. He hates his hair because he thinks it is sandy in colour but I love it. The way it gives him a soft glow and how it contrasts his grey eyes. It is really lovely, just like him.
Now he has a gentle voice that matches how kind he is. He has managed to evoke emotions in me just by hearing him say my name. I get elated like I have never been before and my heartstrings are tugged and thus, my heart cannot help but sing a tune in glee. Don’t get me started on his smile because when I think of him smiling, I try my hardest to stop myself from swooning.
This guy has his imperfections but who doesn’t? He is just perfect the way he is and I love him more and more each day. I am, without a doubt, grateful that I get to love him and I am so happy that I get to spend my life with such an amazing person.
Regardless, I still sometimes wonder why love came when it did but one thing I know is for sure, I have never been so content in my life up until now.
I was 23 and I was smitten like a moth to a flame.
If I had enough self-awareness to know that I would combust eventually then maybe, I would have been able to avoid the catastrophe that followed. I mean I think I did because at the beginning I told him that he would be either my greatest love or my greatest disappointment and hurt.
Unfortunately, we all know how it went down. I just think that this excerpt from November 2019 reminds me of Bruno Major’s Regent Park which I will leave here as a closing to this rather sentimental page from my journal.
I think that this song summed this relationship perfectly.
Sincerely yours,
Allison.
Allison Lagarde 