Eight months have passed since then and I think I have finally hit my stride to get better and back on track.
As the song suggests, I think I know better now. I’m pretty proud of how far I’ve gone in the right direction. I’m glad God directed my steps even if there were so many bumps on the road to recovery.
Over the course of last month, I have attained a few things:
- Passing the halfway mark for C25K.
- I’m almost finished with a book and I’m going to tackle another one very soon.
- I finished a painting and I’m starting on another one.
- Started learning the guitar! I can play a few songs now like Ooh La La by Rod Stewart, Wild Things by the Troggs, Adios Amor by Christian Nodal. I’m also going back to the violin and maybe the piano.
- Restarted my PM certifications.
- Watched a couple of movies on my own.
… and many small things. I’m starting to warm up to the little things in life again and while it’s not a guarantee that the hard part is over (because it never really is), I’m just glad that I can kick back and relax.
One thing is for sure though, I just want to let the person know I’m going to be dating in the future, Hey, read this.
- When I first asked her out, she said, “Before you spend any money on me, you should know that I’m looking for a husband. I’m not looking for fun; I want to get married. I’m not saying you have to agree to marry me before we go out, but I want you to agree that the purpose of being together is to decide whether you and I should get married. God made me to be a treasure for some man. If you aren’t that man, fine, we can part friends, but I’m not a toy. I don’t want a man to play with me; I want a man to stay with me.”
- Weeks later, she asked that I never fuss at her. “I want to love you very much,” she said. “The more I love you, the more disapproval hurts me. I won’t be able to love you as much as I want to love you if you hurt me.”
It’s going to sound like I’m a prude but I don’t want to go through another breakup. It’s one of the WORST THINGS that can happen to anyone and I wouldn’t even wish it on my enemies. I know better after going through what I’ve gone through. Hopefully, this time around I’m less dumb and more discerning about trusting my heart to some rando. LMAO.
Jokes aside, I’m telling you. Be wise about your relations because they’ll hurt you more than you could ever know AND you know what’s the saddest thing about it? They hurt you willingly. Sometimes, I just think I’m too square in this oblate spheroid of a world. Oh well, gotta weed out people that are not good for me.
This is why I believe that having the right partner is critical. After all, you are the average of the five people you spend time with and I have this innate need to be awesome. I want to be great, disciplined, self-controlled, loving, patient, understanding. I want to be consistently a good person. If my future husband is going to be one of the five people and I’m pretty sure he’s going to be, I want him to be that too plus more.
Okay, that’s about it for me. I hope everyone’s having a blast.